He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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