I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
