OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
