hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
