FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
not ubering you a puppy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
