You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize