I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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