guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
