I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize