I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
