Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
