is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
