I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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