Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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