Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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