what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Come see our sink grown plant.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
