Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
