so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
