Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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