uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
