i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
