when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
