drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
