Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nutella sex= disaster
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
