yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
