listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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