I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She bit a glass in half.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize