So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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