maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
