i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
