You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
