We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
