so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love having hate sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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