hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
