so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
