Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
