In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
