he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
