something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
