In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
