I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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