no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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