i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
