So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
