i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
