so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
