I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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