But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
