wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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