Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
