Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
