For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
