Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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