all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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