i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
