porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
