Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
