FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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