I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
