...so i touched it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize