I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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