Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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