i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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