I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
