no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize