Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
