i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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