i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
