At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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