drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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