you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
