hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
