Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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